From Marine Mom and Dads, some Deployment tips
As all of our Marine parents/wives know...the longer we're a part of this wonderful
USMC family, the more we learn about the Marine Corps and what to or what NOT
to expect! Here are some basic tips from "seasoned" family members that we'd like
to share with those new to the Corps.
1. Always, I mean ALWAYS capitalize the word "Marine"....They've earned it and
most demand that form of respect! If you have a Marine, you know he or she has
earned it! I, personally, also always capitalize Recruit and Poolee....a Recruit IS
earning it and a Poolee has made the incredibly unselfish decision to earn it!!
2. Some abbreviations for your signatures.. .
VPMM = Very Proud Marine Mom or VPMD = Very Proud Marine Dad;
PRM = Proud Recruit Mom; PPM = Proud Poolee Mom, etc......
3. MOS (Marine Occupational Specialty), PDS (Permanent Duty Station),
MCT (Marine Combat Training), SOI (School of Infantry), "Go Fasters" (Sneakers),
"Can" (their room in the barracks or in the desert), Semper Fidelis (Always Faithful),
and please always remember that "No News is Good News"!
4. Never EVER refer to your Marine as a soldier, that is strictly an ARMY term.
5. POG (pronounced poge) means person other than grunt, grunt being infantry.
The corps couldn't survive without both types but try telling that to a grunt...
they're the ones who get out with no job skills other than shooting people.
Actually, my grunt got out and got a job training Marines so maybe I should say their
skills are highly specialized and valued by the government and/or organized crime.
Speaking of getting out, EAS means end of active service, a date they hold dear and
can recite even when falling down drunk (not that Marines overindulge, no siree).
DD214 are their discharge papers so if your Marine should tell you all he/she wants
for Christmas is their DD214 you won't go crazy trying to locate any. On the same
subject, there are no former Marines. Once a Marine always a Marine (which is a
good thing since those tattoos are hard to remove)
6. Be sure your Marine/Recruit/Poolee gets copies of every test result, every
evaluation, EVERYTHING and put them in a safe place. Things get misplaced in
official land, data entry can go wrong and promotions etc can be delayed or not
happen because of this. My son made sgt six months after he was supposed to
because the papers were 'lost'. He did a Sgt's job but without the pay. Fortunately
his wife had the paperwork so the promotion came through, finally.
7. Marine Mom is not the same a soccer mom. If your 'kid' is having a hard time step
back and let them deal with it. Do not, repeat DO NOT call their CO (commanding
officer) to complain. Oh my heavens nooooooooooo. ...
8. Your son/daughter is now government property. If they should suffer injury, say
frostbite while winter warfare training, they will get busted for damaging gov't
property. Uncle Sam has invested many many dollars in their training and doesn't
take kindly to that sort of thing.
9. Be VERY careful what you say online about your Marine. Things have a way of
getting back and biting them on the butt from parents being a little too talky.
Use these forums to discuss general issues and save the specifics for private
correspondence with a trusted friend.
10. The Marines' favorite noun, verb, adjective and adverb begins with F and is
generally not used in polite company. Marines are not polite company however
and even though it's amazing how many times they can pepper one sentence with
this word it gets really old from a parent's point of view. I've discovered the old
"can't beat 'em might as well join 'em" philosophy works wonders. Hearing sweet
momma sounding like a foul mouthed grunt will usually stop them in their tracks--
not for long but enough to hold them till the next time.
11. Marines have nicknames for one another. We had a young man visiting for a
few days who was introduced as Rod. Thought that was his name, you know,
short for Rodney--silly me. No it wasn't but that's another story...
12. Remember the Marine parents motto..... SEMPER GUMBY. Always flexible!
That's because nothing ever happens the way you're expecting it to. Dates change,
deployments change, MOS change.
Just roll with it.
Just focus on TODAY...
(By Nancy Young, Former Fox Co Marine Mom, through 2 combat deployments)
I realize I'm sitting on the sidelines this time -- so please don't think me presumptive.
To me, twelve months seems too long to contemplate. Even three
months for a holiday leave would feel too long.
[It's important to KEEP YOURSELF BUSY.]
If I may suggest: Focus on TODAY. Wake up in the morning and
decide three things.
1. What will I do for my Marine today?
2. What will I do for myself today? and
3. What will I do for someone else today?
Examples:
1. I'll write him a letter. Write in the journal I'm keeping for
him. I'll take his kids to the park. I'll take a photo of his kids
to send to him when he's overseas. I'll begin a scrapbook to present
to him when he returns. I'll say a prayer for him. Etc.
2. I'll watch a half an hour of a chick-flick. I'll take a walk.
I'll read a chapter of that novel I've been meaning to read. I'll
take a class just for fun. I'll say a prayer for me. Etc.
3. I'll volunteer to read to someone at a nursing home. I'll help
another member of Fox families whose struggling with childcare. I"ll
call that old friend I've lost touch with. I'll send a note of
support to a veteran's home or hospital. I'll say a prayer for all
those who risk their lives to protect mine. Etc.
Ideas from "veteran" Marine family members
"TO DO" LIST... IF YOU LOVE A MARINE
1. Write to him OFTEN. Use snail mail (then they have something to hold onto), moto-mail & email which they may or may not have regular access to.
2. Keep a list by your phone of things you want to ask/tell your Marine. It's amazing how everything flies out of your head when you unexpectedly hear "THAT VOICE" on the other end of the phone. And once they have to hang up you don't get to call them right back
3. Consider call forwarding. Decide which number your Marine should call (home, cell, work, etc), and get call/waiting or call forwarding so that you are less likely to miss a precious call. IMPLORE your Marine to ALWAYS leave you a message if they don't reach you. Some parents/wives/ etc. play these over and over just to hear their Marine's voice.
4. Get a webcam - it is SO comforting to "see" your Marine when it's been MONTHS! They may or may not get much access to the internet, but it's a precious thing you won't want to miss.
5. SHARE your Marine! Our son married just before he deployed the second time. Obviously he called his bride when he got his five min. phone time every two weeks or so (which may NOT be anything like the schedule this time around!). She was so sweet to always give us a call immediately afterward to let us know how he was doing. She shared portions of their letters too.
6. Send him clippings of things that would interest him from newspapers or magazines. Like how is his old high school football or track team doing, info on area road construction, new developments, etc.
7. TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF!!! The best way to take care of your Marine is to take care of yourself. He needs to have his head in his job let him know that you miss him, of course, but that you're doing ok. And take steps to make sure that you are doing ok avoid things that upset you (stupid people, overdoses of news), get sleep, get exercise, eat well and take some time out for you! Indulge in a hobby, do volunteer work but keep yourself busy doing things you like and surrounding yourself with positive people.
IF YOUR MARINE IS A DADDY
1. Take LOADS of pictures of your Marine doing things with his children. Get LOTS of copies made up and quickly make multiple "small" scrapbooks (don't faint it can be as simple as using the small "brag book" albums and sliding the photos in or QUITE elaborate). Make one for the Marine, one for each child (and maybe one for yourself) it' ll give each person something special to hold onto until you all get together again.
2. Have your Marine read some favorite stories onto a recording device for their children. A bell can be rung or another sound to let the child know when to turn the page. They can have lots of "books on tape" with their Daddy's voice.
3. Consider going to Build-a-Bear and making a bear with Daddy's voice recorded inside it.
4. Plan on keeping a journal on a regular basis so your Marine can keep up with his children's growth. If you it on a computer, print one copy and mail it to him in letters, and keep one copy to bind into a notebook for him when he gets home. Include photos in both!
5. Make extra copies of all children's photos that you send to your Marine. He may not be able to keep all of the ones you send him (depending on living and transport conditions), but he won't have to feel bad about any lost or damaged ones if he knows there's a full set waiting at home.
IF YOUR MARINE IS YOUR HUSBAND
1. Make sure you know where and when car is to be serviced, and where/when appliances are serviced (furnace, TV, dishwasher, etc).
2. Do you know where the main water shut-off valve is in the house? The fuse box? Are all of the breakers labeled?
3. Make sure you have working flashlights and other emergency items and know where they are kept!
4. Do you know how to use the lawnmower and snow-blower?
5. PEOPLE WILL BE ASKING YOU HOW THEY CAN HELP. FIND SOMETHING FOR THEM TO DO! People don't offer to help unless they sincerely want to, and especially if you are also caring for children, you may need some help!
Some ideas:
-
Help with yard work
-
Run errands ("pick up a gallon of milk for me when you go do your shopping")
-
Child Care "take my child for one Sat. morning a month while I run errands"
- Child Relief "take my child for one evening a month so I can do something fun", etc.
-
Carpool "take my child to swimming lessons when you take yours, so I can catch up at home."
-
Bring you a supper one night a month
6. Do you know where all of the important papers are? Lease, Will, Deed, Mortgage, Insurances, etc?
May I also add:
1. For those of you who are married to a Marine or a significant other -- spend some time over the next month SERIOUSLY planning a budget. Combat pay is non-taxable income, and some companies maintain some compensation for their deployed reservists. Staying behind, you should not have to live like a hermit -- but on the other hand, setting aside money so you can afford time off when he returns, money to have a vacation together, or the down-payment on a house are goals to look forward to. Decide whatever you want, but make sure you decide it as a couple -- money worries or fights are the last thing you want as you anticipate homecoming!!
2. Whether you are the parent or spouse or significant other of a Marine. Listen respectfully as they tell you what they want done if they are killed in action. As a Mom, it was one of the hardest things I ever did -- listening to my son tell me how he wanted his insurance money used, where he wanted to be buried, etc. Every fiber of my being wanted to scream "no, I will NOT talk about anything so unthinkable" . But, knowing that his wishes would be carried out, gave him the opportunity to not have to give it any more of his attention.
More from Marine Moms
Yes, Yes, Yes, tell them to leave a message if you are not home.
With the change of seasons, take a lot of pictures to send. Marines will miss pictures of autumn, snow, holidays, etc.
Keep a photo album of your Marine's Iraq
journey starting with the pictures taken in the plane when they left,
ending with homecoming pictures. It will be valuable to their children some day. (This also keeps you busy -
occupying the mind.)
SEND LOTS OF CARE PACKAGES... using flat-rate boxes.
And above all, I PRAYED morning, noon, and night - continuously!
God Bless our Marines~~
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You also might want to save all of your letters and e-mails (including
motomail) on your computer somewhere. When they were coming home they had limit space to pack. Because I had
saved them at home, he was able to dispose of his copies there and have
that much more room. I simply printed them all out and put them in a
binder for him in order when he got home.
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Staying involved in the Fox Co families e-mail list and activities will
be good for everyone. You shouldn't miss any opportunity to get
together with other wives and moms, and that face-to-face support will
carry you though many a long day.
...and MORE from Marine Wives
When writing letters make sure you write the date on the back of the
envelope so that they know which to read first. I know it sounds silly
but with the way the mail system is, they get it in random order!
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Also advice from Gold Star Moms
First off make sure that your son makes his will out in the right way. I am sure that all of the girlfriends and fiancees are wonderful, and Lord love our boys who want to take care of them, but sometimes things happen, and the only ones who are constant in their lives are the parents. I am dealing right now with an Army mom who's son put his girlfriend on his account for his pay, and she went through all of it, while going out to bars with other guys. Not saying this WILL happen but it could. Let them make stipulations in their will that the fiancee/girlfriend gets this much but Mom and Dad are the executors and full heirs if something would happen, God Forbid! If anyone else is names, Mom and Dad legally get nothing, and that includes pictures and personal belongings.
If your son must store any personal belongings, please store them for him. Again, just as a precaution. My Marine Moms site has a fiancee that broke up with the boy, and sold everything while he was in Afghanistan. These ARE exceptions to the rule of wonderful girlfriends and fiancee's but it doesn't hurt to err on the side of caution, and it causes less pain and hassle later, if or when Mom and Dad have to be the ones stateside to try and straighten out any problems.
Also take as many pictures of your Marine as possible NOW. Say every loving word you need or want to say NOW. Some kids will try to push Mom and Dad, or girlfriend's and fiancees away a bit, or try to cause a fight. It is their way of self protecting themselves. Just be as loving or more so than ever and don't let them pick that fight. Usually they regret it the moment they get oversea's and have a hard time saying they are sorry.
Just keep saying I know what you are doing, it won't work because I love you, now hug me you big bad Marine you!
And for all of you young girls, take your birth control. Religiously! As a Viet Nam era brat, I saw too many young girls trying to deal with a pregnancy while their guy was off fighting. Wait until he is home, because they are not always the same person coming back as the one who went over. And neither are you after a long year of waiting and growing.
Just love them before they go, support them while gone and welcome them back with open arms when they get back.